Delusional minds lead to an illusion of your ego – Perfection.
We grow up in a society that’s full of perceptions of what’s perfect and what’s not, but our lower self always knows that every being is unique.
The thought crossed my mind as I walked through the streets of Versova Village. I wasn’t having one of the best mornings. I had just lost a job after just two days of joining and I was on my way to look for another but I felt hopeless. I had lost a dream that I had since I can remember. There were a million things going through my head. Why am I here? This isn’t what I had planned for myself. This isn’t where I am supposed to be. I felt like a pressure cooker ready to explode because I had planned a future for myself and it just wasn’t going my way.
The heartbreak was soon replaced by self-pity when I realised that I was comparing myself to other people in my family. How come my younger cousins were on their way to the life they had imagined? They were doing well at universities, all on their way to become doctors or lawyers and life was working out just fine for them.
Why me? This time i was questioning my choice of profession. Maybe I should’ve just chosen to do medicine or law as well, like the others in the family. I was a focused student, a head girl who achieved well in her studies throughout my high school and university days. I finished a three year degree in two years. I was keen to achieve & I had it all together in my head. Then why was I stuck? I felt lost…
And I realized the pain I was feeling wasn’t because my plans didn’t work out. It was actually my ego that was hurt because I was replaced from a job that I thought I was perfect for. How could a bright girl like me be rejected from something that I had dedicated all my time to? I know what to do and I am good at it. Then why was I struggling to be accepted by something I love so much, it means everything to me.
Suddenly I trip over something I didn’t notice and now there’s a plastic bag stuck between the strap & the buckle of my sandals. Great! I whispered exasperated ‘just what I needed. More mess’. I hear a chuckle behind me. I know it’s one of the kids playing next to the little grocery store and I think they’re laughing at my struggle to get the dirty bag off my sandals without touching it.
I turn around & I was right. It was the kids but they weren’t laughing at me. They were laughing amongst each other amused by the kitten that kept chasing a piece of cloth they had tied to a thread. Suddenly I had memories of my cousins and I playing together with our dog Dollar and how we would wait all day for grandpa to come home and give us our 10 Rupees. He always did that & he too knew that we’d be waiting in his room so he had a note each ready to give away as soon as he would enter. We’d go to the confectionery store near our house to buy our favorite chips or an ice cream & and then share them with each other once we were home. Life was simple then, we never planned anything apart from our usual junk food spree every evening. A usual game of pretend doctors or pilots was enough to keep us happy.
I started to think of what had changed over the years. Why wasn’t life simple anymore? I was constantly comparing myself to someone or the other I wanted my life to be as perfect as their lives seemed. But why wasn’t I able to do it? I had fed my ego to an extent that it had grown bigger than who I truly was as a person and I was constantly feeding it by comparing my life to everyone else around me, I was competing & I had to win. I was so busy running a race against everyone, I had forgotten what running with them was like.
I was distracted by my illusion of perfection; I was so busy dreaming of a future and planning it that I had forgotten to live in the moment. I had failed to recall a life outside my work hours and that life wasn’t all about planning ahead. What everyone is doing and has achieved is not the goal, life is about breaking your own limits. It’s about accepting you present and working towards a better tomorrow. You can never have a fixed plan for future because it changes constantly based on your present.
Your present is the only constant that should be valued. Never be afraid, of what’s about to come next. Let life flow. Let it take you to places that demand your presence. You’re there because you’re meant to be. Embrace the uncertainty. At times it will challenge both your heart and your mind. Be excited to see the wonders around you, because the eyes are useless if your mind is blind and your heart can’t feel.
This universe belongs to the magicians of energy, frequency and vibrations. So the next time you find yourself lost, look up at the sky, close your eyes, feel the warmth of the sun that shines its light and brightens the world every morning. Feel the breeze that flows through your hair and through everything else around you. Take a deep breath and start over. Find the purest place in your heart, let your ego go. And you’ll find your way, where you start to feel your hope again. Remember that there’s a magician hiding inside all of us.
Learning to recognize what’s best for ourselves and our vibes is a power we all have but forget about once our ego starts to play its part. We need to respect ourselves, dedicate ourselves to our vibes, guide ourselves to peace everyday and vibrate higher. Reclaim the ownership of our individual achievements instead of comparing ourselves to others. Once we do this we will be able to see through our own bullshit.